What Are Toxic Friendships?

Signs of a Toxic Friendship

• Constant Negativity: If most of your interactions involve complaining, criticism, and negativity, it's going to weigh on you over time. Healthy friendships will have a balance of positive and constructive conversations.
• One-Sided Effort: If you're consistently putting in more effort than your friend to maintain the relationship, it might be a sign that the friendship is not mutually valued. If you feel that it is always your job to reach out, make plans, or check in with them, your efforts are not being reciprocated.
• Lack of Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy friendship, romantic or otherwise. If you feel betrayed, constantly questioned, or your secrets are shared without your consent, it's a clear indication of a toxic dynamic.
• Jealousy and Competition: Healthy friendships celebrate each other's successes. If your friend is constantly envious or competitive, it can breed toxicity. Truly healthy and supportive friends should be your biggest cheerleaders and should want you to succeed.
• Manipulation and Control: Friends should respect your decisions and boundaries. If someone is manipulating you or trying to control your choices, it's toxic behavior. Pressuring you to drink or do drugs are two examples that are commonly seen.
• Draining Energy: Friendships should fill our cups and leave us feeling rejuvenated. If spending time with a friend consistently leaves you feeling emotionally exhausted, it's time to evaluate the nature of the friendship.
• Dismissive Attitude: A toxic friend might belittle your feelings, needs, or opinions, making you feel unimportant or undervalued. They are likely to undermine any of your wants, needs, or goals, so that you continue to stay on their playing field.
• Constant Drama: If your friendship is marked by excessive drama, conflicts, and frequent ups and downs, it isn’t healthy to be around. Surrounding yourself with this kind of negativity can be detrimental to your own mental health as well as those around you. You may come home ready to vent to your partner, which continues the cycle of negative talk.

Tips for Removing Yourself from Toxic Friendships

• Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to evaluate how the friendship makes you feel. Recognize the negative impact it's having on your life and overall happiness.
• Stay Firm In Your Boundaries: Limit your interaction and gradually reduce your availability to avoid abrupt confrontations. If they begin to question why you are doing this, stay strong and continue with the distancing efforts.
• Communicate (If Possible): If you feel safe doing so, communicate your concerns to your friend in a way that is kind but firm. Be prepared for various reactions, including denial or defensiveness, which is often to be expected with a toxic friend.
• Slowly Fade Away: Gradually decrease your contact with the person in a way that makes it feel natural and not like a concerted effort. Respond less frequently to messages and decline invitations politely. Over time, the distance will naturally grow. This is helpful for people who are worried about confrontation or hurting the other person's feelings.
• Lean On Others: Confide in other friends or family members about your decision. Having a support system can help you navigate the challenges of distancing yourself. This will also remind you of what a healthy support system looks like, especially if you begin questioning your decision.

How To Find Healthier, Sustainable Friendships

• Look Internally: Take time to understand the qualities you value and want in a friend. Reflect on the lessons you've learned from the toxic friendship to avoid similar patterns in the future. Being aware of the red flags to look out for is key.
• Stick To Your Interests: Sign up for local sports or activities that you enjoy and are passionate about. This will expose you to like-minded people and create opportunities for organic friendships. It is easier to connect with those whom you have things in common with.
• Be Open-Minded: Don't limit yourself to people who are exactly like you. We can easily become stuck in our ways, but this means we are missing out on other beautiful friendships that might exist.
• Nurture New Connections: As you meet new people, invest time in getting to know them. Nurture these connections by showing genuine interest and offering support.
• Communication and Trust: Look for people who are interested in open communication and building trust when it comes to new friends. Healthy relationships are built on these foundations.
• Quality Over Quantity: It's not about having many friends but having a few meaningful connections. Prioritize quality over quantity and don’t rush into any friendships that exhibit red flags.
• Stay Patient and Consistent: Building deep, meaningful friendships takes time. Be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally.

We Can Help!